2014 Holiday Game Plan (and pep talk).

Last week I had an eye squinting headache for 5 straights days. This week it's been replaced with a rising panic, it starts in my midsection (my "powerhouse" for you gym rats) , and I spend most of the days energy trying to squash it back down, before it reaches my throat and strangles me.
December is coming. And I am not ready.

I need to be at the top of my game to do December. Usually I rest 9 months out of the year, limber up in October, Strategize all of November, to do December.
What's December? (You must be new to this space, welcome!)
December launches with the Christmas Concert- the biggest party we throw all year.
It's the kickoff to the season, it's over the top, and can only be recovered from the next day by doing absolutely nothing in day old up-do, playing video games and eating leftover ham.
Don't worry I train for this. Because this is just the pin being pulled out of the grenade, the rest of December is one. straight. party.
We've got birthdays flying at you. Big ones. Ones you buy gifts and plan parties for. I've got two very important Gretas with the same December 20th birthday. These girls need gifts, spoiling, and a day without the overhang of Christmas. Dad's turning 60 on Christmas day. Kent and I celebrate our anniversary on the 17th (8 years woop!). These are non negotiable, non Christmas related Big Deals. Things I will weep over if not thoroughly celebrated. And they just so happen to land in the middle of the cluster-bust of Christmas. Christmas which is a one month party/mad dash all on it's own.

And October is when I get my mess together. I do a few exercises. I'll stretch my gift buying muscles with a few early Christmas purchases, plan the Thanksgiving menu, come up with the years gift wrapping scheme, and various other little exercises to get my head in the game.
This is when I stare down the barrel at December and dare it to do it's worst, because I'm a woman with a plan. I get things done son.
Then, when I'm loose,  I usher in the game plan. Last year ( 2013 ) The Holiday Game Plan produced the best December yet on the festive enjoyment/ festive panic ratio.  Although easily done when compared to 2012, which was a trail of tears. 
But I spent crazy lady amounts of energy in November 2013 to keep that smile on in December. And do you want to know the saddest part? I still cried in the parking lot of World Market on Christmas Eve. (Stocking stuffers, man. They sneak up on you every time!)

So this is where the plan changes.
If you plan, work, plan, work, and still cry on Christmas Eve because you're overwhelmed.... and that that was the best year so far? You're doing it wrong.
As I told Greta this morning when she was trying to put a lid on upside down and backwards, don't try harder, work smarter.
Gift choosing, buying, wrapping, sending, is really 80% of the work that goes into November and December. So this is where The Holiday Game Plan gets a new focus.

Mainly, I'm letting go of The Perfect Gift.
I love giving the Perfect Gift. Don't you? To find that special something that shows each individual that you know them, that you care about them, and are therefore able to surprise them with something they never knew they always wanted -at the right price point. It's one of my favorite challenges*.
But I think it's trying to kill me.
Problem is, I'm pretty sure I miss that Perfect Gift mark 9 gifts out of 10. So instead of a life giving high, I'll end up with crushing guilt, (was it enough?) doubt, (should I have got the other?) shame, (can they tell I had no idea what to get them?) all sweetly wrapped up in a bow. And I probably dragged the kids across town to get it, or ignored them completely to Amazon it, when we could have been watching Elf. No wonder I'm stressed right?

Not this year. Not this year. Not this year. (Bang your fists and chant that with me, it's a lot of fun.)

This year we have resolved to keep it simple. Like, I can tell you right now what most of you are getting from us. And it's great, and it's all the same thing.
And guess what? We don't want your perfect gift either.  Watch the movie, drink the cocoa, stare at the tree with the twinkly lights, we will do fine with a popcorn ball. (It's the one kind of ball we do now how to handle around here. Also cheese balls.)

My hope is that this will make the difference. As crazy as I sound, December really is my favorite month of the year. Maybe that's why I'm so clearly desperate to enjoy it.
I'm glad we had this talk.
Let's do this.

*Perfect for birthdays!

Catching up with October

Hey!
So October has done a pretty good job of coming and going right?
Time for a mash-up post to recap.
Fall is in full swing. The kids and I kick leaves as we walk Greta to her class line. Boots are back out, and Oliver has already outgrown his new ones.
Oliver and I do our errands while Greta is in school. We have a good time together, he and I. The key with this guy is a steady stream of snacks, and plenty of conversation. I consider us very similar in this way.
He's also turning into quite the little care giver. He's got a pet seal named Hazel, that he likes to carry around and pretend talks in a high squeeky voice. The care and feeding of Hazel is sweet to watch, as he changes her diaper, rolls her in a blanket, and feeds her toys for food.
You go ahead boy, learn to nurture, and smash gender stereotypes while you're at it. (Maybe next one you could work on is that "boys are messy". Let's work on proving that one wrong because seriously your toys are in my bed, my shoes, my everywhere.)

Greta is either writing books*, spending an hour in the bathroom, or sitting on my lap. She is serious about being as proximate as possible, at all possible times. Which besides the jabbing of sharp little knees and elbows, I find comforting. The world is kind of the worst right now, so if she would like to hitch a ride in my pocket indefinitely, a large part of me is cool with that.

This weekend was good for our family. We just sat around and worked on Halloween costumes, did laundry, and took it easy. Days have been busy, and emotionally overwhelming these last few weeks, so this feels like the first true weekend in a while.
Kent went on a 5 day bachelor party trip to the Outer Banks week before last, to celebrate his friend Aaron getting married. The relationship he has with Aaron (who was our best man) and his friends from college is so awesome. They sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron, and it was my joy to send him off to be a part of that time together.
But I think I'm still mustering up energy from my reserves that were depleted during his absence. Man, home is just not home without Kent. His being gone taught me some good lessons for sure. Like you think you're this nice person and doing ok as a mom. And then you watch your own kids (that you love more than life) without a break for a couple days and find out that no, actually, you are the worst version of yourself after 5:00.

But I think we are getting back to normal around here. We pushed the reset button this weekend,
so here we go, fresh new week.
I will return with the 2014 Halloween Costume reveal, and my Holiday Game Plan.

*She has been a prolific non-fiction author and illustrator. She likes to write honest books about butterflies, monsters, creatures, love, etc. and refers to it as "non-viction". We go through a LOT of paper.

One year with Diabetes

In a couple of days, we will mark exactly one year since Kent found out he has Type 1 diabetes.
The blindsided shock that we experienced has worn off. I don't find myself thinking that any day now the doctors are going to realize they made a mistake diagnosis, that Kent's pancreas will just up and right itself, and that we will all collectively sigh with relief.
While I can never fully speak for Kent, as he processes the reality of it in a way I'll just never know about, I can share a few observations. Simply from the point of view of someone who loves all of him, and in doing so finds so much of what's his is mine.

I think what has struck me most heavily this year is how all encompassing Type 1 diabetes is.
What happened to Kent's body is on one hand, totally science. It's a pancreas, blood, an immune system, collectively dropping the ball and getting itself an autoimmune disease. And without permission, these pieces just went ahead and started doing their own broken down thing without him.
It's a body thing.
And wouldn't it be great if there was a way to separate what your body is failing to do from the rest of you? That would be nice. But Type 1 has affected mind, body, and spirit.
Kent's relationship to food is not the same, for sure. Eating is often attached to guilt, distrust, and stress. There are so many decisions, so much mental exhaustion at the end of the day, when truthfully, cruelly, there never really is that day's end.
Can I just let you be impressed for a minute.
Because he has really taken the bull by the horns with this disease. "Good enough for a diabetic" is not good enough for him. He works constantly, managing and tweaking his insulin injections, injecting part now, part later, depending on the carb and fat content of each piece of food he eats, depending on how much walking he has done or will do, depending on the direction of the wind. And he will monitor the levels rising and dropping on his continuous glucose monitor, carefully, constantly, setting alerts for sugar rising too high or too low.  He lets these alarms wake him up overnight, so that he can take one more unit of insulin if it's trending high, or one piece of food with X grams of sugar if it's low.  He'll wake up to another alarm an hour later to course correct that correction, high or low, on and on, this never stops. He lives between alerts. Striving for a narrow target margin, with a target that keeps moving.

And every couple of months he takes an A1c test that rewards him, by telling him that not only does he have great blood sugar levels (averaged over three months at a time) for a diabetic, but he has the average healthy blood glucose level of a non diabetic.
But he works just about every minute of every day, to get those numbers.  To do what our pancreases do without our notice.
He does it with the hope of lessening the toll Type 1 can take on your body. Knowing that as the years go by, it could mean the difference between meeting one of our grandbabies or not.
God has an overarching plan for Kent, and for us. And we know that no matter our efforts to hold on to our life, or the future as we want to see it, God gives and takes away according to His will.
And what impresses me is that even knowing this, that he and I might die in a totally unrelated pancake explosion tomorrow (pancake explosion?), making all these continuous, careful decisions pointless, Kent feels it is his responsibility to himself and to us to do his absolute best with this.
Now that's grit. And I love him for it.

And Kent is not the only one, and being able to know a little more about, and empathize with, a whole new group of people has been a blessing added to us. And since you're a part of our life, you get to share in that too.
Another thing you can do is if the checkout lady at Home Goods asks you if you want to donate to JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) at checkout like I was asked this week. Just go ahead and say heck yeah.
JDRF is a great great foundation whose funding goes specifically to research and support for those with Type 1 diabetes. (Which, let's just say it, is most definitely not the same as Type 2 diabetes, and assuming so will be the quickest way to get me over a table to collar you, should you be looking for a new way to be angrily accosted. Side note- Can we just name one of them something totally different already? They are just so different. Save the general public a good amount of confusion, and spare type 1 diabetics everywhere from absolutely useless "helpful advice." Am I right? High fives? Call it boobs disease, or something equally ridiculous, it would still be better.)

But anyways, there has been a lot of exciting news lately about possible advances in the realms of treatments like the Bionic pancreas, and even a possible cure.
Just today, this article was in the news, about a breakthrough in the search for a cure. It's wild to be trolling the news, and find something that takes your breath away... news that could absolutely change our life.
So that's what it's like I guess. Life is just constantly changing with this. It has been a much harder year than the year before. But it has been sweeter (no pun intended) as we have found new ways to love and appreciate each other, and we are finding our hearts lifted by new hopes.


Image by: Design Love Fest