Oh my gosh, what a week.
Which came so inconveniently after last week which was exhausting, which was unfortunately placed right after the week before that, which was a total bear.
I'm starting the get the suspicion that this marathon called motherhood has no real finish line, and my emotions are going to be all tired and wobbly until my children bury me.
There there, it's not all that bad really, I promise.
I just have the teensiest case of post traumatic stress after this morning with the littles.
Which was beautifully capped off with a scream I did not think I was capable of, as Oliver teetered on the brink of the top steps, while I was fiddling with his sleep sack in his room.
It was a wonderfully wild "NOOOOOOO". The kind that I always thought you had to be an actress to perform. But there it was, and like all things in motherhood, I rose to the occasion.
Oliver is resting now, and Greta is absorbed in Sesame Street, both blissfully forgetting the turmoils of our morning as I attempt to do the same.
And I think this article helped a little.
Most posts and articles relating to motherhood I read (and love!) are ones that are continually raising the bar for the rest of us. That kids party! Those braids! That delicious healthy snack! And it's easy to think, subtly, I guess this is what motherhood really looks like...I better get my act together.
But today I was refreshed by a little honesty instead.
An excerpt...
"How the external circumstances of new parenthood will affect your mood might be easier to predict. If you are good at just being in the moment and taking your life as it comes, there can be a Zen-like quality to your days with baby. But say you're someone like me—someone who likes the feeling of planning out your day, both what you're going to accomplish and when and how you're going to relax, and then executing that plan--then you will probably find that the long, aimless weeks of waiting on and reacting to your newborn are unsatisfying, frustrating, even depressing. You may find yourself a little weepy at the end of a cold, gray day in which you accomplished nothing but half a load of laundry, now moldering in the washer since the baby's surprisingly early awakening from her morning nap. You may find yourself unreasonably irritable when your partner calls to say that he or she is going to be home from work thirty minutes late.
I was less weepy on the days when I got more done, when I felt more competent. I draw a lot of satisfaction from the experience of mastering a task, of figuring it out and doing it well, but the task of parenting a new baby changes so rapidly that it's nearly impossible to feel any sense of mastery in those first few months."
And while I don't dare compare my exploits with a 4 and 1 year old to those first few months with a new baby- which is more gruelling to the mind and body than anything else I can think of.
I relate, as so many days feel like I'm just reacting to situations instead of mastering them.
But the reason I feel like I can share any of this with you is because, I honestly honestly honestly can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing.
I know because one especially tired and dark evening I thought of all of my favorite things to do, and dream accomplishments and imagined what if I was doing that instead?
But it was no real comparison.
Truth is I like my job, even if it does chew you up and spit you out.
Ps- This picture, let's not get the idea that cutie pie Wog with sauce all over his face is what's meant by a tough gig. I just don't have a proper visual to match today's content. Who would take such pictures?
